Daddy Love Lessons #52essays IV

I have attempted to replace the unreplaceable and have consistently come up short, exhausted, and empty handed. Much more lonely than I began.  

In the silence reanalyzing why I wasn't good enough, in my Virgo mind, recognizing the patterns in why I love the men who have left me unfulfilled amorously I realize, they have been failed attempts of filling in the emptiness that doesn't belong to them. 

I have searched for my father in numerous men who have extracted pieces of me that they may or may not have ever wanted.  

I- remain dissapointed.  

looking for for reflections of his qualities in mirrors with one sided views. I am not flawed but my search in severely flawed men is.  

I look to canceling a pattern of inconsistency and naïveté in reviving the hope that I will not make gods out of strangers who never asked to be worthy.

Dear shadows, I have been lost in your lack of sunshine, confusing your outlines for lights,  today I walk into the moonlight of memories, not looking back until I find the sun.