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The Elephant in The Room

I don’t want to wait in vain for your love, yet we travel together in opposing directions towards the same destination atop the Pink Elephant in the Room

And so in the loud silence of mutual feelings we press our fingers together with the fear that lacing them is too much,

I sit alongside you as we paint hidden love signs on the elephant we have always been comfortable sharing silence,

Smearing the displays of affection, obscured meanings behind sentences, passion igniting the kiln of what shapes the ceramic hearts we place at its feet, admiring its beauty from afar.

Our Pink Elephant wears Rose Colored Glasses in exchange of us sharing mutual blindness.

Fearing the  depth  of this love’s freedom or damage prevents us from expressing the words drawn on this its side.

Foolishly we act as if nothing arises when names are called in the darkness, the need to fulfill this yearning of touch and intimacy goes beyond simple moments of pleasure.

Fiends, seeking the next fix because the emotions we are unable to speak of

are displayed in uncontrollable fornication

forging the signatures of love in each moment our heartbeats synchronize

breathing is exchanged to keep the other alive.

 

I need you emotionally as much as I desire you, another brush stroke

This casual con of simplifying the most complex, we would not be here like this-

if hollow hearts and emotions mixed.

We –need to experience emotional journeys through these motions. When I need you- you come running. I run when you call for me.

Yo-yo consistencies, addicted tendencies, Emeli Sande riding the elephant in the room as we reticently become spectators to our own puppet plays of love. Knowing but not divulging the secrets.

I miss you, from the moment your frame is no longer embracing mine, and I know preoccupation floods your cerebrum as you tend to internal scrolls and new designs for the elephant that follows us everywhere.

I tattoo the feelings on his trunk as my words are lost in your eyes, all that I have practiced in my mind is dispersed into amnesia, my stomach flutters, and palms shake, how could I tell you what you already see?

Cross-legged I add more color,

My coolness equates to the anxiety I get when you say, “I am on the way to you,”

I remain oblivious to the softness in your eyes, from time to time. I apologize. I have been working on this masterpiece on the Elephant’s feet of attempts at vulnerability, that you do not respond to,

causing me to sketch rivers and sing “My Kind of Love”

when all I want to be is wrapped in you because you are “where I sleep.”

Yet there are only echoes and unresponsiveness gifted to me causing me reel in my silence.

The definition of you, is so profound to me, and even if we acknowledged the Elephant in the room I am afraid you would be unable to comprehend that is Earth’s core deep.

You belong to me, as the elephant watches in horror the understatement of that line. You may find other lights that shine bright but not one shall reflect the mirror image of your soul like the windows of my sole equation: u + i = 1. Explain to others, the comprehension between misunderstandings of life’s wrong hands dealt to us and why somehow we always return to the same pot.

My body has your hands imprinted and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that you are missing from me when you are not around. The elephant asks about you when I cannot sleep, or when I am afraid, or when my hopes for the 3d hearts shaped on his back turn 2 dimensional.

I lose hope sometimes, because love has been wrapped up in lies that cut so deep, I worry if this lack of talking about this hot pink and red elephant is worth the time.

I hate it when you leave, yet I wonder if you would ever return to me like the one I met a year ago, willing to “do anything to make you comfortable,” going hard for me because “who else will,” disappearing into the light for a break from the darkness beside me.

Looking for that him who used to be “fantasizing about” me

Yet I remain in memory lane as I look at everywhere we have been in my possession and sing, “Say Yes.” So I can prove to the world that love like this does exist.

Love like:

Blue-Shared languages that no one else comprehends

Orange-gazes that those that have truly been in love can explain

Red-Time has tested and the fervor seems to be a wildfire

Purple-Hurt has been mutual and somehow we cannot let go

Green-Separation was impossible even when necessary

Yellow-We know that we have loved one another in our past lives

 

I have been foolish at times when not understanding, the capacity and sound waves of your love. I apologize. I returned to lies, cheat, and pain as fear made me ride back on the elephant the wrong way.

Yet we never spoke about it-another brush stroke of ingenious upon him.

You believed love to be found in other eyes, words, and silhouettes yet when I took our elephant to walk away, you appeared without explanation to remind me, that I belong to you, all else disappeared. Still in actions without professions,

Why do we carry on like dysfunctional fools, over-analyzing, over thinking, understating the reality that no one else is this damn compatible?

 

Why reluctantly let me go, when my plan was to never leave?

 

I become obsessive in seeking the face value of something that I feel in the abyss of my soul. Telling myself, it is not this infinite just in case you have a cacophony in place of the symphony

I hear of overactive hearts beating each time worded confirmation does not take place.

The elephant remains in the center of the room comfortably, to my dismay

I have attempted twelve steps to rid myself of the painful contusions of loving you bashfully,

Unavailability of emotion, resulting of a lie lived in the belief that love given was just for misuse, preventing me from going all in, until I am certain the elephant is not just seen by me but by you,

Failing each time you pull me back into you,

I have always needed one step, so I ask, can we talk,

acknowledge the pink elephant of hearts in the room?

I have been ready to love since before you kissed me and smiled reminding me of all these years…

Can we love freely and fearlessly as hard as we want to?

With the regret of doing absolutely nothing about our constant companion of reality,

Should I ride off with the Pink Elephant in The Room into the sunset?

 

My Single Boy Friend

I ask because, Letter to Him Part II

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